On Portland, Growing Up, and Growing Out

There is this new show called "Portlandia." We watched the first episode, and it was mostly crass. Some funny bits, but mostly cringe-worthy, at least in my mind.

A lot of people like it, some of you might like it. It is ironic, whatever. Sure.

But it made me never want to move to Portland.

We've always said that maybe we would want to end up in the Portland area, maybe, someday... but I just don't want to move to the Northwest. Sorry. I don't. I've lived in Seattle, and it was the worst time of the my life, really, other than meeting Jamund. But as for Portland...I don't want to deal with the scene, the expectations, the hippiness. I'm not a hippie. I don't want to be a hippie or anything like that just to fit into the norm of that society or be "cool." I don't want to live in Portland and be associated with all of that.

This decision coincides with other aspects of my life and personality currently, that might not initially seem related. I've lost some weight, and I therefore need new clothes. Buying new clothes, however, has given me the opportunity to rethink my wardrobe, likes, and dislikes. It's given me the chance to decide to grow up or not. It's placed me at a crossroads, of sorts. The growing up crossroads.

I'm done with trying to be hip or cool, mostly. I need a new style, a grown up style. I don't want to wear clothes from Urban Outfitters or thrift stores (addendum: UO had a fantastic sale online, I bought some good clothes... Ah man, I guess I don't want to look like I buy my clothes from UO or thrift stores. Is that good enough?). I don't want to look or be "ironic." I don't want to be associated with any specific group or subculture, really.

I used to want those things. I used to listen to music and buy new records and know what was going on with that world. I don't anymore, and I don't even care! I hardly listen to music, except for when I'm in the car. On Saturday, I cleaned the kitchen floor while listening to Raffi, for goodness sakes. And it's okay. It's fine. I enjoyed it.

I'm not a kid anymore. That's hard to understand, and it means that I have to give up certain things (or ought to do so). I turn 27 this year. It's the first year that I feel like I'm getting old, but it's not bad. It's just a new phase of life. The longest phase of life, I suppose, but a good one—the one where I get to focus on raising children and teaching them.

Growing up means change: change of clothes, change of habits, change of priorities. It means giving up certain things, in exchange for different things that might not seem better but probably are in the long run. I'm excited. I think it will be better.