A short story,
When I was in 6th grade we had this history class where we were asked to dress up like a character from a book we were reading. We got the opportunity to choose the book, of course, I chose a biography of Kurt Cobain. I don't remember which one.
I came to school with carefully shredded jeans, bleached blonde hair, flannel shirt and my dad's white Fender Strat guitar. It was a really good presentation. I mean, you know. I got hazed a lot by the kids, but I felt like I was really you know trying to be awesome.
I was always trying to impress the older kids at the school. The rocker kids. I would try and brag about the concerts I was going to go to even though I didn't really know much about anything. It wasn't very awesome.
There's nothing that sexy about copying people.
Later I dyed my hair purple and tried to be cool by being weird and even more obnoxious. It didn't really work very well and I didn't make many friends.
Eventually, I left that school and went to another school where I got into even more trouble trying to impress and even sketchier crowd...
- Jamund
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Identity Formation: Slideshow
 | ||||||
Age 12: Grunge
|
 | ||||||
| Age 14-15: Metal Age 16: Lost
|
On Identity Formation
I've been thinking a lot lately about how we become ourselves and why people do the things they do.
It seems like everyone wants to be famous, like everyone is a voyeurist. This has all become socially acceptable. Twitter, Facebook, and blogs are the windows we look through to spy on everyone else: friends, celebrities, strangers. We are a society of plagiarists, in my mind. Some of this plagiarism is completely accepted and even encouraged. We are becoming a society of copycats.
I have a problem with this.
Jamund and I often muse about "fans"—sometimes people become your fan and seem to blindly love all you do or say. Other times you are a fan—you just love someone and everything about them. And I think this fandom can be okay, as long as it doesn't lead to copying—or the fan expecting that the person they love so very much must necessarily love them back. Let's face it: why would you want to be friends with someone who is merely copying you—someone you have worked x amount of years to become? Why would you approve of someone who does all that you do or suddenly likes all the things you like without respecting all the back work that got you to that place? It seems incredibly disrespectful to me.
I think of people I have been friends with and why certain friendships thrived or faded. One of my best friends has been a girl named Rachel. We met in grad school, and we still keep in contact occasionally, despite not living in the same state. Why do I think Rachel is so great? Because Rachel is her own person. She had her own likes, dislikes, tastes, style, and distinct impulsivity. We each had our own confident personalities, and our two personalities meshed. She didn't care if I wanted to stay in my room and work on my dissertation for weeks on end and not talk to her that whole time. When she was off doing her own thing, I didn't have a fit. We respected each other. I loved her love for 70s rock although I preferred circa 2003 indie rock or 1960s music. We never tried to imitate or copy each other but rather loved that the other person had their own tastes.
People might say that imitation is flattering. I don't think so, not usually. I think there is a difference between imitation/copying and integrating good principles and making them your own. Sure, it's nice to see what works for another person and then researching it yourself and seeing if that might work for you, in your own unique way. I mean, we are encouraged to be like Christ, right? He told us to be baptized, right? But that doesn't mean by John the Baptist in the River Jordan. He told us to take the Sacrament, but we don't have to use the same type of bread He did. We are encouraged to marry in the Temple, but the Apostles don't say "But it must be in the Salt Lake Temple." We are taught principles to follow in the Gospel, but we often personalize them (other than ordinances, which are specific).
Formulating an identity must be more than just reappropriation or it doesn't mean anything. You can't just steal someone's haircut, musical tastes, clothing style, habits, shopping choices, and say that it is "you." It's not you. It's you trying to be that other person. And that's just disrespectful. It's like how any true subculture member hates posers. Why do real punks hate Hot Topic? Maybe it's because they spent years honing their musical collection, making their jackets and clothes, collecting badges, going through the emotional angst, etc. and then some 12 year old goes to Hot Topic and copies all their hard work with a credit card and little to no thought. It's lazy and misses the whole point.
The point of identity formulation is just that—formulating your own identity. It means going through a lot of bad decisions, styles, haircuts, music that sucks, etc. in order to find what does work for you. The end product isn't the identity so much as all the work that it took you to get there.
It took me almost 27 years to get to the point where I am now. I have little respect for someone who tries to copy the person I am now to try to be my friend or try to have the personality or happiness I have. It doesn't work like that. Always being one step behind someone else doesn't guarantee what they have or who they are now. They probably won't respect you for it, they might even resent you: there's a reason they are one step ahead now—they have left that other person behind for a reason. People grow up, grow out of things, and they most likely don't want that old person thrown back in their face.
Be your own person. Don't just reappropriate. Respect the culture of an individual's identity. Get your own personality. Go through the work to get there. Growing up, I tried to copy certain people, sure. I listened to bands they did or shopped thrift stores like the people I wanted to be like did. But it wasn't until I stopped trying to gain approval and mellowed out that I actually became happy and did gain that approval. It wasn't until I researched things myself and tried things out that I understood the importance of the process. For instance, I would try to go through friends' music collections but then I finally studied the sociology of rock and roll—read books, listened to different bands that influenced other bands, etc. I tried to follow the process of how the music I listened to currently evolved, and I gained a respect for that musical culture. I gained taste.
It took awhile, and now I've moved on to other things. We change, we have to change. Just let the change be your own, not someone else's. Let your life mean something to you.
It seems like everyone wants to be famous, like everyone is a voyeurist. This has all become socially acceptable. Twitter, Facebook, and blogs are the windows we look through to spy on everyone else: friends, celebrities, strangers. We are a society of plagiarists, in my mind. Some of this plagiarism is completely accepted and even encouraged. We are becoming a society of copycats.
I have a problem with this.
Jamund and I often muse about "fans"—sometimes people become your fan and seem to blindly love all you do or say. Other times you are a fan—you just love someone and everything about them. And I think this fandom can be okay, as long as it doesn't lead to copying—or the fan expecting that the person they love so very much must necessarily love them back. Let's face it: why would you want to be friends with someone who is merely copying you—someone you have worked x amount of years to become? Why would you approve of someone who does all that you do or suddenly likes all the things you like without respecting all the back work that got you to that place? It seems incredibly disrespectful to me.
I think of people I have been friends with and why certain friendships thrived or faded. One of my best friends has been a girl named Rachel. We met in grad school, and we still keep in contact occasionally, despite not living in the same state. Why do I think Rachel is so great? Because Rachel is her own person. She had her own likes, dislikes, tastes, style, and distinct impulsivity. We each had our own confident personalities, and our two personalities meshed. She didn't care if I wanted to stay in my room and work on my dissertation for weeks on end and not talk to her that whole time. When she was off doing her own thing, I didn't have a fit. We respected each other. I loved her love for 70s rock although I preferred circa 2003 indie rock or 1960s music. We never tried to imitate or copy each other but rather loved that the other person had their own tastes.
People might say that imitation is flattering. I don't think so, not usually. I think there is a difference between imitation/copying and integrating good principles and making them your own. Sure, it's nice to see what works for another person and then researching it yourself and seeing if that might work for you, in your own unique way. I mean, we are encouraged to be like Christ, right? He told us to be baptized, right? But that doesn't mean by John the Baptist in the River Jordan. He told us to take the Sacrament, but we don't have to use the same type of bread He did. We are encouraged to marry in the Temple, but the Apostles don't say "But it must be in the Salt Lake Temple." We are taught principles to follow in the Gospel, but we often personalize them (other than ordinances, which are specific).
Formulating an identity must be more than just reappropriation or it doesn't mean anything. You can't just steal someone's haircut, musical tastes, clothing style, habits, shopping choices, and say that it is "you." It's not you. It's you trying to be that other person. And that's just disrespectful. It's like how any true subculture member hates posers. Why do real punks hate Hot Topic? Maybe it's because they spent years honing their musical collection, making their jackets and clothes, collecting badges, going through the emotional angst, etc. and then some 12 year old goes to Hot Topic and copies all their hard work with a credit card and little to no thought. It's lazy and misses the whole point.
The point of identity formulation is just that—formulating your own identity. It means going through a lot of bad decisions, styles, haircuts, music that sucks, etc. in order to find what does work for you. The end product isn't the identity so much as all the work that it took you to get there.
It took me almost 27 years to get to the point where I am now. I have little respect for someone who tries to copy the person I am now to try to be my friend or try to have the personality or happiness I have. It doesn't work like that. Always being one step behind someone else doesn't guarantee what they have or who they are now. They probably won't respect you for it, they might even resent you: there's a reason they are one step ahead now—they have left that other person behind for a reason. People grow up, grow out of things, and they most likely don't want that old person thrown back in their face.
Be your own person. Don't just reappropriate. Respect the culture of an individual's identity. Get your own personality. Go through the work to get there. Growing up, I tried to copy certain people, sure. I listened to bands they did or shopped thrift stores like the people I wanted to be like did. But it wasn't until I stopped trying to gain approval and mellowed out that I actually became happy and did gain that approval. It wasn't until I researched things myself and tried things out that I understood the importance of the process. For instance, I would try to go through friends' music collections but then I finally studied the sociology of rock and roll—read books, listened to different bands that influenced other bands, etc. I tried to follow the process of how the music I listened to currently evolved, and I gained a respect for that musical culture. I gained taste.
It took awhile, and now I've moved on to other things. We change, we have to change. Just let the change be your own, not someone else's. Let your life mean something to you.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
On Portland, Growing Up, and Growing Out
There is this new show called "Portlandia." We watched the first episode, and it was mostly crass. Some funny bits, but mostly cringe-worthy, at least in my mind.
A lot of people like it, some of you might like it. It is ironic, whatever. Sure.
But it made me never want to move to Portland.
We've always said that maybe we would want to end up in the Portland area, maybe, someday... but I just don't want to move to the Northwest. Sorry. I don't. I've lived in Seattle, and it was the worst time of the my life, really, other than meeting Jamund. But as for Portland...I don't want to deal with the scene, the expectations, the hippiness. I'm not a hippie. I don't want to be a hippie or anything like that just to fit into the norm of that society or be "cool." I don't want to live in Portland and be associated with all of that.
This decision coincides with other aspects of my life and personality currently, that might not initially seem related. I've lost some weight, and I therefore need new clothes. Buying new clothes, however, has given me the opportunity to rethink my wardrobe, likes, and dislikes. It's given me the chance to decide to grow up or not. It's placed me at a crossroads, of sorts. The growing up crossroads.
I'm done with trying to be hip or cool, mostly. I need a new style, a grown up style. I don't want to wear clothes from Urban Outfitters or thrift stores (addendum: UO had a fantastic sale online, I bought some good clothes... Ah man, I guess I don't want to look like I buy my clothes from UO or thrift stores. Is that good enough?). I don't want to look or be "ironic." I don't want to be associated with any specific group or subculture, really.
I used to want those things. I used to listen to music and buy new records and know what was going on with that world. I don't anymore, and I don't even care! I hardly listen to music, except for when I'm in the car. On Saturday, I cleaned the kitchen floor while listening to Raffi, for goodness sakes. And it's okay. It's fine. I enjoyed it.
I'm not a kid anymore. That's hard to understand, and it means that I have to give up certain things (or ought to do so). I turn 27 this year. It's the first year that I feel like I'm getting old, but it's not bad. It's just a new phase of life. The longest phase of life, I suppose, but a good one—the one where I get to focus on raising children and teaching them.
Growing up means change: change of clothes, change of habits, change of priorities. It means giving up certain things, in exchange for different things that might not seem better but probably are in the long run. I'm excited. I think it will be better.
A lot of people like it, some of you might like it. It is ironic, whatever. Sure.
But it made me never want to move to Portland.
We've always said that maybe we would want to end up in the Portland area, maybe, someday... but I just don't want to move to the Northwest. Sorry. I don't. I've lived in Seattle, and it was the worst time of the my life, really, other than meeting Jamund. But as for Portland...I don't want to deal with the scene, the expectations, the hippiness. I'm not a hippie. I don't want to be a hippie or anything like that just to fit into the norm of that society or be "cool." I don't want to live in Portland and be associated with all of that.
This decision coincides with other aspects of my life and personality currently, that might not initially seem related. I've lost some weight, and I therefore need new clothes. Buying new clothes, however, has given me the opportunity to rethink my wardrobe, likes, and dislikes. It's given me the chance to decide to grow up or not. It's placed me at a crossroads, of sorts. The growing up crossroads.
I'm done with trying to be hip or cool, mostly. I need a new style, a grown up style. I don't want to wear clothes from Urban Outfitters or thrift stores (addendum: UO had a fantastic sale online, I bought some good clothes... Ah man, I guess I don't want to look like I buy my clothes from UO or thrift stores. Is that good enough?). I don't want to look or be "ironic." I don't want to be associated with any specific group or subculture, really.
I used to want those things. I used to listen to music and buy new records and know what was going on with that world. I don't anymore, and I don't even care! I hardly listen to music, except for when I'm in the car. On Saturday, I cleaned the kitchen floor while listening to Raffi, for goodness sakes. And it's okay. It's fine. I enjoyed it.
I'm not a kid anymore. That's hard to understand, and it means that I have to give up certain things (or ought to do so). I turn 27 this year. It's the first year that I feel like I'm getting old, but it's not bad. It's just a new phase of life. The longest phase of life, I suppose, but a good one—the one where I get to focus on raising children and teaching them.
Growing up means change: change of clothes, change of habits, change of priorities. It means giving up certain things, in exchange for different things that might not seem better but probably are in the long run. I'm excited. I think it will be better.
Friday, October 15, 2010
On Food
I'm considering not eating food (or feeding food to my family) that has the potential to cause cancer and other ailments.
Earth-shattering, right?
But really, have you seen this article? Or this one?
Basically, my plan will involve eating grain fed meats/poultry, as much organic or local produce and dairy as possible, and making as much of as our food as we can. I don't really ever need to buy a bread product again (especially with the sourdough starter we've acquired)! Jamund loves telling people that "Everything you can buy, you can make—except breakfast cereal, really." But actually, if we're talking rice or wheat cereal, that's what the Vita Mix is for!
Putting this plan into action will obviously require a bit more funding than goes into our current groceries, but it's really worth it—especially if you believe all the news and research that attributes some cancers and other issues (ADHD, etc.) to diet, pesticides, etc.
My thoughts: go with Winder Farms for our weekly necessities (milk, eggs, produce)—delivered right to our door once a week (eliminating frequent grocery store trips!) and visit our not-so-but-sort-of local Sunflower Farmers Market or Costco for monthly items or other things Winder Farms doesn't carry or charges a lot for (read: must continue to fuel my addiction to delicious all natural Greek yogurt, get most likely cheaper grain fed meat...)
We'll give it a try and see how it goes!
Hopefully it will prevent weekly trips to Wal-Mart for groceries (seeing as our town is lacking in quality grocery stores)... but when I do need to go to Wal-Mart for medications, etc., I would love to avoid using the car (it's only about 2 miles away) in favor of this (once Simon is old enough to sit in it):
Sigh. Maybe I can save up gas money to be able to afford one someday. Click here to see other colors from Madsen Cycles.
Monday, October 4, 2010
On not forgetting
Here are ideas for future posts, just so I don't forget...
On calories
On video games and Conference
On homeschooling (addendum to my post on our family blog)
On the welfare attitude
On to-do lists
On happiness and my definition of it
Okay. Thanks.
On thinking...
Jamund and I wanted a space separate from our other blogs (family, work, and environmental) where we could post thoughts and rantings. Here it is.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)